All the words coming out of our lips can be interpreted in four ways: they are positive, negative, neutral and incomprehensible. It is a rule that smart and emotionally mature people speak very clearly. They select words carefully in order to minimize the negative or mysterious reaction.

But sometimes we all say something that we regret later. Sometimes our words hurt someone very much, and it does not matter whether it was deliberately done or not. Each of us had once in his life experienced this awkward feeling.

Emotional intelligence is defined by psychologists as “the ability to understand the intentions of other people, control and express their emotions, and build interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathically.” A high level of EQ is a decisive factor in how our words will be interpreted by someone else.

In addition, this type of intelligence plays a dominant role in deciding what to say, and what NOT to say. EQ is inextricably linked with social awareness – the ability to understand the emotions of other people. This means that our ability (or inability) for sensitivity depends on it.

To avoid the conscience, which often accompany impulsive and rash speech, read these 10 basic phrases that smart people prefer not to pronounce in a public place.

1. “This is not fair”

Yes, life is unfair – and this is understood by most adults. Perhaps what happened to you is unfair. Perhaps, even a gross injustice has occurred. It is important to remember that people around you often do not know anything about the incident. But even if they are involved in what happened, your phrase “this is not fair!” won’t take you anywhere.

We know how difficult it is to focus your attention and efforts on solving an important issue. After saying nothing, you will feel better, keep your dignity and be able to solve your problem faster!

2. “You look tired”

We do not have the faintest idea of what is happening in the life of another person. The phrase “you look tired” – no matter what good motives you were guided by – signals to a person that his problems are visible to everyone.
Instead, ask a cautious question. For example, you may ask: “Are you all right?” Such a phrase will make it clear to a person that you are really worried about what is happening to him.

3. “For your/a … / As a woman / a man …”

Such statements are considered extremely rude. Examples: “You look great for your age” or “As a woman you did quite a lot.”

No matter how hard we try, age and gender prejudices still exist. Therefore, there is a possibility that the person to whom you say such a phrase will be very offended.

Do not engage in classification. Just tell the companion a compliment!

4. “Like I told you before”

Who from us at least once did not utter this phrase? The meaning of this statement is that for some reason you consider yourself “better” than your interlocutor.

For the sake of justice, we note that it is rather difficult to repeat the same thing several times. But, please, refrain from verbalizing your disappointment, and try once again to bring your thoughts to the person.

Having done a worthy thing, just remind about it after a while.

5. “You never…” Or “You always”

The truth is that these phrases do not change anything. As a rule, these words are uttered insincerely or too sharply. They are also often used to offend someone by expressing their anger or contempt.

It is better to justify what actions you expect from a person. Example: “I noticed (a) that you are still … How can I help you / is there anything I need to know?”

6. “Good luck”

This phrase can be a great offense to the interlocutor! And this is why: luck is pure accident and does not depend on a person at all. Can I use my abilities to win the lottery? No, it’s only luck!

Better say something like: “You have everything to succeed.” This will support a person’s confidence more than a wish for luck!

7. “For me it does not mean anything!”

When a person expresses his opinion, he expects from you a constructive feedback … any feedback. By saying “it does not matter to me”, you say that either (a) your interlocutor does not matter to you, or (b) you do not feel it necessary to give feedback in this situation.

Try to show more attention to the problems of the interlocutor. If you are now very busy, postpone the conversation for another time, when you can listen to it carefully.

8. “For all my respect.”

Stop! Do these words reflect the degree of your respect for the interlocutor? If you can honestly answer “yes”, then continue … If this phrase is pronounced by you on the “autopilot” and has nothing to do with the feelings that you feel for this person, then you better slow down.

9. “I am telling you”

This phrase demonstrates your conceit and superiority. When you say it, you become like a self-satisfied child. The reason is that this statement is very infantile. No, from the lips of intelligent adults, such words do not come out!

Perhaps, in this way, you wanted to warn the interlocutor about the consequences of a particular action. Find another way that will help you interact with people without expressing your contempt. Suggest your option or quietly justify your point of view.

10. “I’m giving up!”

The phrase “I surrender” only at first sight seems harmless. In fact, this statement shows that we are not able to overcome something. It can be anything: a terrible boss, a difficult task / project, a disparaging attitude of colleagues.

11. “You have lost weight”

This is a very critical sentences and it means that you think the other person is overweight. This is degrading and can be humiliating to the other person. You do not know the story behind this.

12. “You look amazing for your age”

This simulated that the other person is old, but in some cases it can have a negative effect. You can just use “You look amazing”. That would be enough.

Always remember: you are much stronger, smarter, and more capable than you think. There is nothing that you cannot overcome. Just change this phrase to the words: “I can do it!”

Plato once said: “Wise people talk, because they have something to say, and fools – because they have to say something!” Think about these words, they make a lot of sense!